P R I V A T E ♥ L I F E

忘了

2011-11-27T22:53:00.002+08:00

随着年龄的成长,渐渐的开始淡忘了原来的我...

情绪捉摸不清，不好听的话特别敏感....

为什么会这样呢...

我的本性真的那么差吗...

我觉得好乱....很乱.....

对自己好失望....

我不明白我自己

真的很不明白我自己

我会疯

很乱....思绪太乱了

我对这样的我很累很累很累...

是应该安静吗....

到此为止

2011-06-23T09:38:00.001+08:00

无话可说了，我也开始淡化了....

不写了

The End :)

适可而止

2011-06-03T16:16:00.002+08:00

很想看着你的眼说话，但我回避

在我旁边的时候很想抓着你的手，但我压制

很多时候很想和你聊天，但我停止

当我想到你的她，一切我都能放下了

像你说，人生很现实

好吧那么我也现实到底

我们相处的时间突然增加

不知是人制造的机会还是上天允许的机会

为什么要在我放弃的时候

一次又一次的.....打击

不出现不就好吗

这一切让我痛的更深，要考验我的耐力吗

明明眼看耳听现实已经告诉是没有可能了

我知道了得，我明白了得

可是为什么，要那么难

错在于我.......傻傻动心.

不怪你

2011-05-08T21:40:00.002+08:00

可能我也有错

可能因为我看不到你

可能误会了你的好感

以前你常打电话给我

我上机前你总会给我电话

不过自从她的出现

也了解了她出现是为你安排的

我也不坏了好心人的安排

最后你给的电话

就是我上机前的一刻

我说了可能让你失望的话

我竟然支持你去接受她

我终于记得了

我不责怪你了

原来我也有错

错在我

傻傻的

笨笨的

单纯的

如今只能希望你快乐，我也快乐。

Elsa Elsa

2011-04-21T16:21:00.003+08:00

Elsa my dear,

please believe that nothing is gonna happen

please let it go

please, there is no turn back

please go on with your living

please blessed them with your heart

please open your arms

please put it down

please forget this pain

please....don't be sad

Elsa Elsa....forget about him

stand back and be the person you are before

it just a love, isn't a life.

It comes and it goes...

thats life.

为什么呢

2011-04-10T19:15:00.002+08:00

我一直都没有妄想能够拥有你

因为我知道我是不合格的

把你当哥哥看待也不错的

偏偏你就是要让我难过

我什么都没做

我只是做我自己

为什么你要对我说那些话呢

为什么说了就走呢

为什么要我去堕入呢

我做错了什么吗

我得罪你了吗

为什么要这样子对我呢

你不懂吗

面对是很辛苦的

思念很痛苦的

要忘记很难的

如果当时你没有说话

如今我会过的很好

因为你

我的生活有了伤点

因为放下是人生最难学的事情

你说的对....你的确不是好男人.

Put it Down

2011-04-03T14:48:00.002+08:00

I'm learning to put down things that will never come back

Learned to stay positive and believe on miracles

We all never realize how much we love a person until the day he already gone ..or almost gone...or perhaps only leaving apart.

Already gone - It was painful at the beginning, it still actually, but I smile I laugh I jokes, because I believe he still there with us, just not physically appears. I always remember his smiling face whenever he came to house and I said " Coffee??".. He always drive us around to relatives house for a visit, despite the long journey, we enjoy your brief on the families history, with jokes and stories of youngest time. I wont forget he told me not to forget our root, our ancestors, our families and the bond of togetherness. Just never thought that you will leave this soon.

Almost gone - You were once a tough men that show no fears, seeing you laying on the white bed motionlessly with tubes and machine around you, just very tearful. When the doctor said chances are only 50/50, we are all asked to have preparation for the possibilities that you might not be safe. Everyday I pray just to hope you get well. Me, you and Isaac, we used to be very close, we go fishing, swimming, and road trip every weekend. Just never thought Isaac went off that early, and then our group dramatically lose contact, and becoming awkward. I always misses those days. Now, I'm so glad you are recovering, I hope to see you once again and pat on your shoulder and said " Ko, don't scared us again!"

Leaving apart - I'm glad you told me, that you were not fooling with me that time, thats what I want to know before I can put down. I was there last week, seeing with my own eyes, and ears, I don't think I should wait, she is a good girl, appreciate her, I don't hope to hear from you again that you wasn't a happy person. As long as you good, I'm glad enough, I wish you both the best. It hurts, and don't know will last how long, I hope I'm good soon, because I'm learning to put you down.

obladi oblada life goes on bra

lalala life goes on...

So near yet so far

2011-03-27T09:54:00.003+08:00

We were so near, even workloads unable to distract my mind about him.

I'm kind of disappointed yet glad in the meantime that I wont see him. I do not know if I could accept whatever that comes in eyes about him anymore.

Because...I'm planning to be the loser.

Let them be, I was just a nobody from the beginning of everything.
People just come and go, give some tender words, and bullshit at the end.
What do I have to expect.
I'm laughing on my stupidity.
But quite proud with my pretentiousness,.

I actually could survived, just painful.

I'm tired.

Never Joke on You

2011-03-23T11:43:00.002+08:00

Finally, I bravely and honestly told what was in my heart all this while, after a year, I still remember clearly what was asked that time.

And I said I'm not blind....just not confident about my look..

I know there wasn't a turn back for now...

But I just want to know the words you've ask, is it true?

and he said, never joke on you....

physical is never in my eyes, the beauty is from your true heart.

only, I'm not a good men..

It wasn't over

2011-03-18T10:15:00.002+08:00

Just when I thought I will end up the connection...

I was told that my faith is there.

I'm not quite sure if I should believe it, but I want to believe it.

It said give some times, things will get done. Just have to wait.

How long? 1 year...2 years...5 years...10years....I'll wait.

Even if the ending is not promising, but I'll not regret. Because thats the feeling I want.

I told him, you are a happy man now...

He replied, not really...

Over

2011-02-14T09:44:00.000+08:00

Finally a truth.

Totally over.

Thank you for the 2 years sweet fantasies.

Its time for the real world.

Sad but its good.

Makin Tua And That's What Times Tell

2011-02-09T12:07:00.003+08:00

Yes, definitely can feel the age now.

Most of the time I rather stay silence then speak out, skip the explanation direct to the action.

Some of the time, I wanted to feel like a kiddo, pretending like a cutesy 4 y.o, reject to understand what the others said.

Many times, physical don't act as mind directed, it preferred the pressure touch from a specialist, and yet it doesn't mind the pain as long as it drain.

Time to times, I started to listened to my instincts, its true we all have evil and angel inside. I don't have to show that much what's in mind, beside being mysterious is sexist, also a strategy to hide my evil and angelic thoughts. So Facebook status won't be that frequent anymore, unless I need attention, care and love.

As times goes by, I speak like an old wise maiden like I have been gone through the deep sea and rough wind. Actually, I think I read too much on Paulo Coelho's book, even though not even half of the book is finished, but just because every sentences gave so much inspiring, and thats why after one year still not complete.

There's a time, I still think that a relation in life is to understand what its like being in the mode of "Duality", after all we are living not for the material, we are living for the feelings, and love are always the one that makes a person goes every ways, because at that moment, no way is still a way, if you understand what I mean.

Because at any time, I love you in many ways :)

2011 Resolution

2011-01-01T13:23:00.002+08:00

This year gonna talk about money.

2010 has been the most devastated year among the rest of the years in my life. Seriously ya.

Make me realize how money can drag you down to hell so easily, letting stupidity occupied the emptiness.

I don't like that feeling. So insecure.

And I'm not gonna make it happen this year.

Definitely no.

Wish me Luck.

心动

2010-09-14T22:30:00.002+08:00

很久以前，一次的遇见

不久以前，再次的见面

以前以后，不再相见

其实已不再想了

癞蛤蟆是吃不到天鹅肉的

没有天生丽质的容貌

没有高挑完美的身材

哈哈。。

能做朋友已经算荣欣了

只能怪我。。笨笨的心动

就让微笑替代愚笨的过去

过去就让它过去

其实

2010-08-31T15:20:00.001+08:00

我要的很简单

不是一个人

就好

心扉意冷

2010-08-21T21:00:00.001+08:00

太冷酷了....应该是没感觉了...我也不敢了.

眼眉长在眼睛上

2010-08-21T18:17:00.004+08:00

有一次，我收到老先生的电邮，给了短短的一个问题，1+1= 0，为什么？

我答:

"the formula is given, the answer is there, but I cannot see. 就像眼眉长在眼睛上，眼睛看不到眼眉，就说没有眼眉。虽然“心” 知道眼眉在那里，但是眼睛才能知道眼眉长的是什么样子。人很现实，都利用眼睛去相信事实，眼看为证，没有经验的人很容易就把心给蒙了。虽然我知道眼眉是什么样子，我用知识去知道，就是眼睛看不到，我的心也感觉不到，心乱，眼睛也模糊。我要的眼眉平凡没有关系，但是感觉快乐就好，开心就好，满足就好，一切都是身外物，只有心里的感觉感受是可以永久的。没有人明白也没有人看到，因为眼眉长在眼睛上。"

只有懂的人心里有数。

如何怎么说

2010-07-26T20:09:00.003+08:00

这样子的我

真的很累

我真的不知道该走，该留

思想说，你做不起，不走只是连累

心却说，别走吧，再相信一次吧，可以的

为什么，我走不掉.......放不下................

为什么，每次要心软...............

为什么，要挽留.......

为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么为什么

我什么都不要.....

原来的我

2010-07-19T11:15:00.001+08:00

给我一个空间

没有人走过

感觉到自己被冷落

给我一段时间
没有人曾经爱过

再一次体会寂寞

曾经爱过却又分手

为何相爱不能相守
到底为什么
早知如此何必开始
欢笑以后代价就是冷漠

既然说过深深爱我
为何又要离我远走
海誓山盟抛在脑后
早知如此何必开始
我还是原来的我

给我一个空间
没有人走过
感觉那心灵的伤口

给我一个时间
勇敢地面对寂寞
再一次开始生活

Mari Kita Menulis dalam Bahasa Melayu

2010-07-08T16:01:00.002+08:00

Awak tahu kah tidak, dalam kehidupan kita tidak pernah sekalipun bertutur bahasa Melayu dengan fasih tanpa perkataan mahluk asing seperti "kot" atau tanpa perkataan bahasa Ingeris seperti "You", "I" atau tanpa perkataan bahasa Cina "ah" atau langsung tanpa bahasa Melayu.

Oleh itu, saya hendak menjalankan satu eksperimen. Tulis dalam bahasa Melayu yang tulen.

......................

.....................

Sekian terima kasih.

Saya kini mengumumkan eksperimen ini gagal atas akibat: semasa saya bersemangat hendak memulakan ayat saya, dalam pemikiran saya semuanya perkataan dalam bahasa Ingeris. Selepas saya siap dalam perkataan Ingeris, saya terkaku seketika memikir bagaimana hendak menukarnya menjadi bahasa Melayu. Dan sekarang saya rasa bahasa Melayu yang saya taip di sini macam Orang Cina stail.

.............................................................................................................phew.

Seriously, writing/thinking in English is easier than Malay, maybe because we used to English already. So sad to know that, but wont effect much XD

PS:Oh gosh, do you know how hard is it to translate OK into Malay.

它-唱出我的心声

2010-07-07T11:11:00.002+08:00

故意

原唱:无印良品，黄嘉千

作词:文康，无印良品

作曲:光良

编曲:GEORGE LEONG

你说你想放弃而他却不能说忘就忘掉

强自镇定但泪已满眶

啊何不你且当它是做一场戏

试着去将它。。演完

我想。。感情不能勉强

不是。。互相讨好就好

苦苦哀求其实不能怎样

再说。。他越是在乎

真的只会会让我心里。。想逃

不是我要故意对你好

只是已经付出我还能怎么样

难道这样的要求也算高

是要我消失面前痛苦才不来到

“不是我要故意对你好

你可曾明白到我为何要这样

难道真情逃不过煎熬

是你不敢要还是你根本不需要”

你明白吗。。

Give a hand

2010-07-06T11:45:00.003+08:00

I always saw old people begging for money. I know its bad to give them money just like that because they would make it a habit, but I cant just ignore them, I sad to see them that way.

Last Saturday, the same old lady approached again with her same phrases that she always said in Hakka " Ngai mao cien, pin ngai cien, ngai oi yim cha ." means give me money, I don't have money, I want to eat/drink. Last time I gave her a dollar and she begged for more. This time I ask her to sit at the next table and order her meal, and we pay. Honestly, I really think I did the right thing this time, she seems glad that somebody gonna pay her meal, with her cute and happy expression ordering tom yam with prawn and she want Sprite.

Sometimes, it is not because they are not capable to work, we always said "they have hand they have legs,they can work what." but have you ever thought about maybe they are mentally incapable, that what makes them that way, or maybe reasons that we will never understand.

What I think is, we should give a hand. You can feed your dog with chicken thigh, why not helps your own kind.

We all exist to be alive, be good to all of us.

Things happen for a reason.

And one reason that I'm glad to know why I'm here?

That I want to give a hand to whoever in need, and see them smile in the heart.

This is me.

Insomnia or It isn't

2010-07-01T10:39:00.003+08:00

Its been a week I have not been sleeping properly at night. Every time seems so sleepy before bedtime (my bedtime usually around 11pm), but when I hop in my bed,sneak in my comforter, turn of my table lamp, there goes my sleepless night. Eyes just seems so bright and round, the brain is just functioning so well, forcing myself to close tightly the eyelids only making it more uncomfortable. And when I finally asleep (most probably already 3-4am), dreams are so dramatic and weird and sometimes creepy, and it always keep fresh in mind when I woke up. Unexplainable, I found myself very fine on daylight, just that swollen eyes doesn't look good in the mirror. hmmm....ok don't blame coffee a'ight, I cut it down into one cup in the morning already, high tea I only drink Milo. So no problem with caffeine. Maybe I should do more work-out, sitting too much facing the PC everyday just don't seem contributing much to my body. Melis said try Yoga...but Sis, I feel like a freak doing alone, imagining a big whale trying to fling its tail to it cheek.hehehe.

Smile (evil way) But Great Feel >:)

2010-06-30T17:01:00.002+08:00

Lily Allen - Smile - Covered by Glee Cast

When you first left me I was wanting more
But you were kiss that girl next door, what ja do that for?
When you first left me I didn't know what to say
I never been on my own that way, just sat by myself all day

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found a light in the tunnel at the end
Now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
And it's only because you're feeling alone

At first, when I see you cry,
it makes me smile, it makes me smile.
At worst, I feel bad for a while,
But then I just smile,
I go ahead and smile.

Whenever you see me you say that you want me back
And I tell you it don't mean jack, no it don't mean jack
I couldn't stop laughing, no I just couldn't help myself
See you messed up my mental health, I was quite unwell

I was so lost back then
But with a little help from my friends
I found a light in the tunnel at the end
An' now you're calling me up on the phone
So you can have a little whine and a moan
An' it's only because you're feeling alone

At first when I see you cry,
It makes me smile, it makes me smile
At worst I feel bad for a while,
But then I just smile, I go ahead and smile

At first when I see you cry, (when I see you cry)
it makes me smile, it makes me smile (it makes me smile)
At worst I feel bad for a while, (I feel bad for a while)
But then I just smile ( But then I just smile, I go ahead and smile...)

Not Fun

2010-06-26T15:00:00.002+08:00

I really cant feel or see any excitement this year, all happens are just making days so hard to go through.

I haven't enjoy anything this year since Chinese New Year.

Even some of the peoples around changed too, they weren't who they use to be anymore, that even makes more disappointed, and sad a little bit.

I'm just so tired being emo always, I'm never this way, I love and I miss the young naive old me.

I wanted to move on, but this moment this space just letting me confuse more and more, which way should I go.

I wanna get out, go someplace, hide myself for a while, taking a fresh breath, start again.

I wondering, what is fun?

I almost forgot how it feel...

Badly

2010-06-15T22:50:00.002+08:00

I know I miss him badly

But what to do

I just have to give up

Since I knew nothing will happen

Because he just too cool already

I still miss him badly

This I know but he won't know

(sigh......)

Must Give Way

2010-06-09T16:32:00.002+08:00

Seriously, if I'm gonna stick with the rules of current situation on "Money Matters?", I'm gonna die with debt.

I'm gonna makes money by my own. First step to Billionaire mission.

I wanna do something that simple with huge impact.

Maybe I should do a little bit market research first.

Hmmm...I have something in mind in fact, business secret wont reveal until I'm out on the next Forbes issue, aight!

"I wanna be a billionaire, so fucking bad!" - Travis McCoy ft Bruno Mars.

Nature

2010-06-07T11:44:00.002+08:00

Really, I'm getting bored with this living. I'm fed up with my environment, seriously.

I think I feel happier in the nature, just so hope to back to nature, stay on wooden house, inside the jungle, listen to water flowing sound, and wind blowing grass sound, fresh and breezy air, no cars sound, sitting on a wooden chair, and relax...so nature.

Or, I just want to get out of here...leaving my job leaving my home and get anew start.

I wanna be a billionaire, So freaking bad.

2010-05-28T16:02:00.004+08:00

Really, money is everything.

No money is so insecure, is so shameful, is so psychologically affecting, is so nobody.

How simple a piece of paper is making a person life so devastating.

It so psycho to see the amount drop every time.

Even though how much you telling yourself to ignore all those lovely materials, but on the other hand, still so much to pay off.

I have money every where. I am loaded.

Only the cash is not with me, thats all.

Uncomfortable.

I'm slightly cheered today :)

2010-05-27T10:53:00.002+08:00

Because he called me at early morning....

I know the reason he called...

but I just happy to listen his voice...

eventho I know nothings gonna happen, not even a spark, apatah lagi firecrackers.

Anyway, I think my just-woke-up voice just sound so sexy. hehehe.

I just happy he called.

What I Am Doing, I Am Doing What

2010-05-21T21:28:00.002+08:00

Today I saw a road constructions. A guy was standing in the middle of the road carrying a flag, obviously I knew what he was doing and I believe he knows what he is doing as well. Maybe he is not that knowledgeable or high education or any sort of professional, but he knew what he was doing.

I reflect myself, feeling selfish, asking myself, how could a graduate scholar, a bachelor holder, a highly educated person like me is unable to define what I am doing for all this while.

Seriously, sometimes I'm just very very stuck in this space know nothing about next. When someone ask me, what do you do for living? I can bluff telling them how professional I am, but whats real, I do not know what I'm doing.

I was posted as a researcher, oh what a great job, some might think. Can you believe how many articles, journals, reports I have read? When I need to find one point, I have to google every possible words that relate, just to get that one point, but sometimes, I would end up confuse and not sure what point I was referring, because I am questioning and answering the points myself.

And most of the times, I just went blank. If I was asked, what are you doing today? my heart beat fast, my blood flows quick, and I started to lie, because I know the real answer is not liked.

I don't likes what I'm doing right now, because I don't know what I am doing.

My birthday :)

2010-05-18T21:42:00.005+08:00

"Today is a fairy tales..." - Taylor Swift

For the past 25 years of my life I have been living to learn from crawl to walk, from smile to cheers, from pain to broken, from nothing to something, I have been learning since birth.

For the next 25 years of my life, I guess should start to giving and accepting.

I am happy that today I received a lot of birthday greetings in my Facebook and sms-text. I didn't expecting that much tho. I'm giving all my sincere thanks and bless to those who have greet me. I am truly appreciate it.

But what most makes my day....he called and greet me, even though I knew he might not even remember if not because of a hint..but I am still very very happy of it, and the most valuable I guess :)

But, in the other hand...I get my answers already, that we just doesn't meant to be together.

混淆

2010-05-14T20:27:00.002+08:00

我真的不知道是我混淆,还是你迷茫

为什么，你的回复总是让我微笑

为什么，有时候却冷酷到我失望

可能你根本没有我

可能一直都是我胡思乱想

可能迷糊的就是我

我，好怕哦

又再一次的失望

我，好怕哦

再面对你一次

我想，应该收手了

不该找你了

除非，

你想我了。。

To my beloved grandpa Lim Seng Hui

2010-05-14T15:56:00.000+08:00

Today is his 1 year death anniversary, seems like nobody is remembering it, but I will always do.

I still remember last year today's I received my mom call while I was in KL around 10pm, telling that grandpa might not make through the night. I run up to the poolside of the office, thinking that he is going and I am not by his side seeing him for the last time.

I still remember the last thing he ask me on the last day I saw him, he was sitting at his green chair as usual watching the TV and I walk to him and told him that I'm going abroad, then he ask "When you coming back?"

Until today, honestly I'm still regret I didn't see him for the last time. For 24 years of my life I have been living with him, I never knew I would miss him and love him this much until the day he gone.

Ahkong, may your soul rest in peace...

18 May

2010-05-12T09:39:00.002+08:00

Another 1 week I'm turning two five :)

I just feel like I was much more older then my age >:(

What would happen that day?

I predict,I will stay in my room and staring at the pc all the time,like usual. Because its Tuesday.

I hope I would get one birthday wish from that one particular person....

And I hope that what I wish for will turn into a miracle....

Crazy

2010-05-06T19:36:00.003+08:00

I realize sometimes I don't even speak more than 100 words per day. Disgraceful.

Oh virtual, seems like you are the only talking to me, no human wants to hear me craps...only you forcedly to accept me.

But I just felt disgusted with virtual. Facebook, Skype, MSN...urgh so disgusting...every day I just cant wait to disconnect them and turn off my computer. If I am crazy enough, I will destroy this thing...

urghhhhh so frustrated!!! ARRRGGGHHHHH I WANNA SHOUT!!!! AWFULLL

I admit I cannot life without them...they are everything...even now writing here I need them too...

ajkkjdakjadhawqeiqoiwjd;ajsdjak

lfal;sjdaojwoiq'euq'weoqw'rpqiwrpo

asda;jdqawe'q'pqwrpoewjdasldjaldjal

asjkd;awieq['iwjoiwejioesjd;ajf'jdsa;lj;a

ahdeqw;oijd;oiwdj;oiaj;idjas;fj;sdjfioeiiowoie

Crazy soon

I am busy

2010-05-05T21:32:00.002+08:00

Yes...I have a lot of thinking to do...plenty of papers to work on...but I just didn't feel it because I am wearing my pajamas with naked face and sitting in impolite position, doing the professional things with unprofessional way.

Thats my job, you like it? Why not we exchange, I'm getting bored of it.

Yes...I am busy. Busy counting days to end. Isn't it great when finally your last day has come :) then you got the chance to say

WHAT A LIFE

Wrong again and again

2010-05-03T13:20:00.003+08:00

If every time the things you did the result is always wrong wrong wrong.................

Do you think the courage is still there?

I did as what you said, but it still not right.

What the fuck is in your mind, I really don't understand you!

Why don't we just stop this everything.

Its just so hurtful, so tearful, so fucking disappointing.

I cannot love myself.

If Only Dreams Come True

2010-04-24T11:53:00.002+08:00

If only dreams do come true...

I've made a wonderful and sweet dream last night...

Its just felt so real..

how I wish I never wake up...

Let me stay in my dream for ever

Few days ago I text you..I know I shouldn't

But I just cant stop myself

I thought you would ignore me because I have been very cool to you for quite a time now..

Your reply "....to have you think of me is priceless..." is just so crazy..

I dont dare to fall in any misunderstanding again..

I have to tell myself that you are only a sweet talker

the text doesnt mean anything to you

But it just gave so many meaning to me..

All I can say..

What a life

Daily

2010-04-21T09:48:00.002+08:00

My daily routine:

Morning wake up

On Pc

After that drink my fiber

And then start FB-ing for 10 minutes

Brush my teeth wash my face

Back to Pc and FB-ing again for 10 minutes

Gooble Gooble some breakie

and get back to Pc and start doing my task of the day

Lunch break

Check on FB again for about 10 minutes

Then hit the kitchen for anything nice

Back to Pc and FB-ing again for 10 minutes

And continue whatever is left from the task

Night Life

Go down to the kitchen and cook some meal

Water the flowers

and back to Pc and FB-ing without time limitation

Had my dinner and back to Pc again

Brush my teeth and wash my face

Lock the door

and watch some drama show

FB-ing again

and say good night to my Pc

hit the bed

read some Paulo Coelho

into dreamland

Everyday Everyday is the same

Its all happen in one small space

Seriously

Its not good

I want to get out

and feel some greatness

Realization is cruelty

2010-04-15T10:26:00.002+08:00

"A nobody that ready to expose to society and show them that she will be somebody someday."

- Priscilla Ikus Lim

A quote that was written on the time I first step into the society and thought that many things can be easy, I thought I was matured enough.

One year later, realized that I'm just so fool to be naive.

Nothing is impossible, nothing is easy as well, nothing can beat reality, even virtual can turn you down, nothing is fantasy.

When everything is nothing, it just lose all the perfection and eagerness to be moved forward.

Its bored to be nothing.

Although, it seem like nothing, but something is just bullying everything.

Am I just putting too much hopes?

Somebody ever told me you can find your answers in the internet.

But the answers sometimes can freak me out.

What if I questioned, " How to be normal?"

What if it answered you, "Think nothing."

Any different being a corpse?

Oh gosh I just dunno what am I doing right now.

I just...dunno what I'm doing right now.

MBA

2010-04-05T12:38:00.003+08:00

Yes, I have announced and declared officially in my Facebook that I'm gonna pursue my MBA on July 2011 intakes.

Has been working a year and feeling a little bit bored about it. Some might said I'm a bit too early to say that, but maybe its because of my job involving in too many types of task and responsibility that sometimes makes me forgot that which and which I was with actually; or maybe the working environment I was in wasn't really makes me feel like I was actually working because my bed is just on my left side, it was tiring in continuously switching home mode and work mode ; even maybe because I was always working in virtual eventually turn off my social circle, limiting the people I've met and talked to in my real life; or perhaps I just not matured enough to work this way, because I haven't get to try out on the real 9-5 office job.

Anyway, anyhow, I still love my job because I have the 1st class treatment in the company even though I'm just an ordinary staff ; because I am brilliant and superb cutest emotional short and chubby bubbly person they've ever met even though sometimes I think they were bluffing, thats why I never take too much attention on any promises; but most of it because this job is teaching me how to grow up and be matured in many ways.

Without any hesitation, I went on research about MBA courses in UMS and then I have decided I'm going to do this. Because I want to be busy doing ONE objective in ONE time with satisfaction and get a Master certificate to show off. Other than that, I want to carry books and pencil case, go to class and laugh with mates,hearing lectures and yawning with tears. I bringing in most of my ex-Uni mates to join me, and most of them turn on their interest and we are planning on it.

I cant wait 2011 to come, because I'm not getting any of the goodness in 2010 and I miss 2009 most of the time.

I WANT TO BE A STUDENT!

喂，我好嗎？

2010-03-18T11:27:00.002+08:00

當有一天，您開始問問自己，一句 “ 我好嗎？” 是不是覺得好難回答呢。。。

最近覺得身體怪怪的。。。

最近心情怪怪的。。。

最近腦筋怪怪的。。。

最近天氣怪怪的。。。

我，好嗎？

好像不是很好哦~

我說

2010-03-14T11:14:00.002+08:00

別人笑我太瘋癲，

bie ren xiao wo tai feng dian

我笑他人看不穿。

wo xiao ta ren kan bu chuan

When everybody laugh us crazy, we laugh them know nothing.

我不寂寞

2010-03-12T15:00:00.002+08:00

隨著年齡的增長，開始覺得身邊的不會永遠在身邊。

當漸漸的感覺到身邊的人，一個接著一個都隨著伴侶開拓新生活，

而你卻還墮落在一個人的生活中，那感覺不是悲，也不是樂。

一個人的生活，不代表寂寞。朋友嗎，多著呢，怕什麽。

一個人的生活，無憂無慮，多么自在，閒著呢，只怕沒錢。

一個人的生活，不代表寂寞，卻感覺到孤單。

一個人的生活，平平凡凡，清清淡淡，悶啊，錢多又能怎樣。

當有一天，眼前的是個雙，而你卻是個單。。。

我，不悲也不樂，只是覺得，人生啊欠缺了什麽似的。

Where's mine?

2010-03-04T20:11:00.005+08:00

When one day you flip through all the old albums of your family, you saw all your little sis cutie pictures albums to albums, then you saw you big bro baby pictures albums to albums again, when you trying to find yours, you just found one tiny album what would you feel? That you wasn't actually came to the world on the right time? or I rather hope that the camera film is expensive that time.

Then I was perhaps jokingly ask my mom with a little bit of merajuk mode, " Mom, why I only have this much (pointing on the old tiny album) baby pictures?" She just silent and didn't said anything, maybe she realised it as well :)

When I finally flip on my album, how weird is that to see yourself in baby look, and this could be the answer of my curious question...

................
..............
............
.........
.......
....
...
..
.

....that I wasn't that cute actually.
No wonder.

Coffee per Day

2010-03-04T12:49:00.004+08:00

Popeye needs spinach; Priscilla needs coffee :)

I'm just like the other human in this world regardless of skin or races, religions or faces; having coffee everyday ( even avatarians need coffee in Avatar) :)

I have two reason to have two cups of coffee daily. First cup is the essential part of my daily living, because no coffee means no pooh pooh (and I believe some of you are the same). Second cup is optional but normally I don't skip, who want's to skip the wonderful evening with simple snacks to blend with strong aromatic coffee :)

I love coffee because of it bitterness and its nutty smell. I have no fussy with coffee, as long as its bitter and creamy; regardless quality from the expensive Espresso to the cheapest IndoCoffee, it just makes the day stronger.

Trust me coffee is good for health, I don't have to detail mention it here just google it you'll know what I mean.

I'm

Dying

For

Lastly...... damn, I'm craving for Starbuck's caramel cappucino.....

I am so Ceriang

2010-02-06T23:33:00.006+08:00

In the super high mood of being this way :D

It Just felt dog damn great
to be silly
to be funny
to be happy :)

Kupi Right 2010. HinavaBambangan SendiriAmbi Berhad. All Rights Cannot Reserved. Unless Got Booking.

Oh..I am so Malu

2010-02-05T22:11:00.002+08:00

Humbly present you my first Solo ever on stage.
If I Ain't Got You
Thank you for the support that night.
Thank you Melissa for encourage me.
Trust me, I haven't got time to practice this song, so forgive for the suck tune.
But, good thing is I overcome my fear, I get out there, hold my mic, Just Do It Priscilla.
And that's how its happen.

I Just Wanna

2010-02-04T14:14:00.002+08:00

Ok! Thats it, enough with the Bull's year, lets get roaring for the Tiger!

I Just Wanna :

1) Get rid all the fugly acne and scars on my face; I WANT A FLAWLESS SKIN
2) Get skinny; YES I WANT A SKINNY BOOBY BODY
3) Get lady-up; YOU BET, LADY P WANT TO BE SEXY
4) Get healthy; DETOX ALL YEAR ROUND

Can't you hear the Bull is roaring?

Don't Mess with Me. HAH!

Adui....mau kumpul duit la ni...banyak spending for all these "wanna wanna" thingy.

Done

2010-01-20T20:09:00.003+08:00

I know I should have done this long before, but I thought I still can get another chance...

Because of his spontaneous reply, I've made my decision.

Its time.

I'm letting him go.

Before I went on clicking the remove button, flashback:

He used to teased me. He hugged me. He sees me. He hold my hand. He asked me why I'm late. He drink my water. He sing with me. He asked if I want to marry him. He let me feel whats love is. He makes me falling to him.

When I realize everything is just a game of fool, I am mad everything he did to me. I am disappointing everything he said. I am confused is he real. I am sad I was killed in silence.

If these never happen, we can be just friend. He ruined our friendship.

I clicked and he was removed.

No more about him.

My new love

2010-01-12T10:32:00.002+08:00

Tricky title eh? hehehe

This is! My new love..
Nothings gonna change my love for you covered by Khalil Fong.

Because of you

2010-01-04T13:52:00.004+08:00

None of my days less without you...
Even if its was just a blurry image of you and me...
Even till now...

I came back and I got my answer...
I understand with my own eyes my own ears...
I gave myself a year to totally forgetting you...
Starting from the first minute of new year...
That was what in my mind...

I believe we have no faith...
But don't blame for my cruelty...
For not being as before anymore...

I know I'm cheating myself again...
Deep inside I know...
I still want you by my side...
Only I can't do anything but just wait and see...
One year is the dateline.
I swear.

Thats all

2009-11-21T23:10:00.002+08:00

I love you for giving me the feel of love.
I hate you for letting me in pain but love.
I guess its time I have to make a quit.
How hard could it be to letting you go.
When hope became a disappointment.
Everything just a fake and reality.
I'm a best actor, when pretending is the agenda.
Hearing about you from another person mouth,
I bear the consequences of
hurting inside,smiling outside.
It just unfair, so unfair,
I still have to face you like nothing has happen.
How far can I go...
I just hope that you living well and I'm not seeing you again.
That's the story of the jerk. End when start never even came.

無聊

2009-10-14T22:05:00.003+08:00

唉。。想愛一個人怎么那么難呢？
我不懂，到底是真是假呢？
我，對自己沒有信心。。。
覺得我不配。。
防備，我在防備什麽呢？
為何我不敢。。。
還是。。。我想多了呢。。。
好不喜歡這種感覺啊。。。。
確不希望這感覺離開。。。。。
無奈哦。。。。。

算了吧，我不渴望什麽了，
雖然我對世界已經沒有什麽值得的看法，
我不開心沒關係。。身邊的人一定要開心。
我的原則，就是希望你快樂，你看到我歡笑就是要你快樂的時候。

Don't it Make my Brown Eyes Blue

2009-10-07T18:44:00.001+08:00

don't know when I've been so blue
Don't know what's come over you
You've found someone new
And don't it make my brown eyes blue

I'll be fine when you're gone
I'll just cry all night long
Say it isn't true
And don't it make my brown eyes blue

Tell me no secrets, tell me some lies
Give me no reasons, give me alibis
Tell me you love me and don't let me cry
Say anything but don't say goodbye

I didn't mean to treat you bad
Didn't know just what I had
But honey now I do
And don't it make my brown eyes
Don't it make my brown eyes
Don't it make my brown eyes blue

Sleep

2009-09-24T21:47:00.004+08:00

I don't know why
but I am just so fed up
Living life without purpose
is just so suck
I don't understand
what I really wants
I am confuse
was I dreaming or making dreams
was I in fantasy or in reality
I want to sleep
like for ever
Sleeping beauty
Could I be?
Perhaps.
Maybe.
Let see how it goes.

Jerk

2009-09-13T10:32:00.002+08:00

I miss.
I text.
With reason.
And say Hi.
End the conversation.
Like a flash.
Lasted,3 messages.
Dumb.
So dumb.
Dumb-ass.
Embarrassing.

A cute way to sing F*ck You

2009-09-11T11:02:00.001+08:00

Hahaha I just likes this song, nasty but cute.The rhythm just keep on repeating once I heard. Lily Allen F*ck You. Listen and you know what I mean.
PS: Beware, contain addictive potion. F*ck you, F*ck you very very much!

Meditation

2009-09-09T22:42:00.001+08:00

After so long of hearing about meditation I finally get a try on it. I found this wonderful meditation music and put on my earphone, sit in the position of meditating...and I began my journey for the most peaceful moment of my life I've always wanted. I believe I'm in love with this thing, its really makes me feel calm and fresh whenever its end.

How does it works? Well, I just put on my earphone and close my eyes and just follow the momentum of the music and slowly slowly loosen up myself...and then I felt my mind was turning around and started to have the feeling of floating and sometimes I can even feel the wind of my surrounding blowing my tiny hair on my arms...it just so calm and relaxing...really, you should try once,I never believe this before but now I do.

I'm not sure what I want...

2009-09-05T11:05:00.001+08:00

Perhaps...

Appreciate Life

2009-08-30T15:39:00.004+08:00

Today I picked him up. In the car he talks a lot, from a person to another and then about me.Maybe what he said is right, that I'm fortunate enough compare to many others, not mentioning those people living in poverty,just compare to those people we know around us. When he was talking about me,my mind was thinking any possible reply that I would said to him,but I didn't, 'cause I don't want to argue with him,I respect him as a wisemen. He might be right but I might be true as well, who knows better about myself if it isn't me. Anyway I still thank him for telling me, no one wants to give a damn on you if its not because he cared about you.

Yes indeed, I believe I am lucky enough,but every life is fair and square, I mean some people might living like a slum dog but they are smiling, and some might living lavish but are they happy? Compare the stress level of a beggar and a workingmen,I'm quite sure beggar are more happy 'cause they only have one concern is to eat,workingmen has to worried on liabilities,performance,relation...........but this is not what I want say here,I just gave some example.

I know I am lucky enough, it doesn't mean I'm not appreciating,but everybody has everybody worries,no matter you are poor you are rich,that's what life gave to us. I only cant accept that just because you are lucky,you don't deserve to worry so much, then what am I? If a person doesn't know how to be unhappy,I don't think that person gonna grow up.

Yeah maybe I always complaint that I'm not living peaceful, but eventually this makes me grow up, I learned from it, I learned how to understand myself and realise the real purpose of my life, because I knew I don't want to turn back, I don't want to be that way anymore since I have been through it.

So, you might sometimes see me moody and miserable, lend me a hand, just said something to me, after I breakthrough it,I will be better than before,gorgeous than previous, believe me.
I'm a normal person with outrageous mindset.
Just love me anyway~

The color of paradise

2009-08-18T18:41:00.001+08:00

I watch this movie last night and it really touched my heart. It really is a wonderful movie, not because of the quality or whatever issit has in a blockbuster Hollywood movie, it just simply simple plot but heartwarming act by a true blind boy. Dont watch this based on religion point of view, watch it with humanity heart.
I dont have explain much on the story,you can read it from the link below yea...
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Color_of_Paradise

If you really want to watch,you can find it in youtube,just type The colour of paradise part 1 and you'll know what to do.

I am silly

2009-08-10T20:53:00.002+08:00

Finally I dare to reveal that secretly I'm in love with a man that I can't put much hope in.
He ever stared at me silently which I silently realised too.
The way he spoke to me is a little bit malu-malu type.
His humor and seriousness is so attractive sometimes.
I like when he tease me.
We can talk a lot virtually but he seldom text me or call me and everytime I have to do the move, but when he called it just make me go nervous.
Sigh..this just make me feel dumb. Maybe I'm just clapping one hand,he is not actually into me,I am silly.I'm so into him eventually makes me reject others love.
I knew he is seeing somebody,whenever I talk to him I just encourage him to go for it...I'm so silly,or perhaps I'm just covering myself.Cause' I dont dare to show that I have secretly falling in love with him.
What can a women do when she deeply in love with man that doesnt show his love. All she can do is giving up hope and find another new love, but silently she still hope for a chance.

I found my peace

2009-08-06T23:34:00.001+08:00

I'm not a religious person, but the first time I heard this music playing from my big boss notebook...I just fall in love with it instantly and I have asking him to play the music over and over again.

Why?

Because I just felt calm and peaceful...it lead my mind into others dimension where I forget about my worries,my suffer..

It totally gave me an inner peace.

I'm not a religious person, I dont understand any single words in this music, I dont understand the meaning of this music,but i can sing it out and melt into my inner,this is my peace, or perhaps I have faith with it.

Whaddya think?

2009-07-17T20:40:00.002+08:00

Your view on yourself:

You are down-to-earth and people like you because you are so straightforward. You are an efficient problem solver because you will listen to both sides of an argument before making a decision that usually appeals to both parties. ( I think...this is quite true,Whaddya think?)

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are a true romantic. When you are in love, you will do anything and everything to keep your love true. ( I 'm not sure,since I haven't been in love yet XD,Whaddya think?)

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You are ready to commit as soon as you meet the right person. And you believe you will pretty much know as soon as you might that person. ( I'm confident with this,Whaddya think?)

The seriousness of your love:

Your have very sensible tactics when approaching the opposite sex. In many ways people find your straightforwardness attractive, so you will find yourself with plenty of dates. ( said what?!sensible tactics,how come I'm still single? Whaddya think?)

Your views on education

Education is less important than the real world out there, away from the classroom. Deep inside you want to start working, earning money and living on your own. ( Hmmm..have to admit a lil bit here,Whaddya think?)

The right job for you:

You're a practical person and will choose a secure job with a steady income. Knowing what you like to do is important. Find a regular job doing just that and you'll be set for life.
(So obvious,Whaddya think?)

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying. (Yes,this is true,Whaddya think?)

What are you most afraid of:

You are concerned about your image and the way others see you. This means that you try very hard to be accepted by other people. It's time for you to believe in who you are, not what you wear. ( I think...this is quite true,Whaddya think?)

Who is your true self:

You are mature, reasonable, honest and give good advice. People ask for your comments on all sorts of different issues. Sometimes you might find yourself in a dilemma when trapped with a problem, which your heart rather than your head needs to solve. ( CONFIRMED TRUE,Whaddya think?)

Emotionaly Uncontrollable

2009-07-13T20:52:00.002+08:00

Yeah~
Last night was fun, hanging out with girlfriends at the beach side, being cam-whore, crazily laughing.But I wasn't enjoy it till the max, somehow there is just that feeling that trying to occupied the whole me,spoiling the mood.

I was driving back home from the beach, I pumped the motor oil as hard as I can till the meter reach 160 and it stop rising, the ass local automobile just suck in this part. But the ride was fun, quite addicted with the speedy feel and of course with the loud bang music playing from hitz.fm.

Anyhow, no idea why my tears was flowing down while controlling the wheel, I have no other feeling but I just cried. It's quite a release thou, maybe that was what it meant by emotional uncontrolled, so ok I'm going nut.

Sigh, it's quite sad in realizing I'm growing up and no longer living in fantasy but facing awful realities, and how life can be ugly, human can be so evil, and MJ left us too early.

So disappointed.

No matter what.

I Still Love you!

Can't bear it

2009-07-01T20:56:00.002+08:00

I never realize the responsibilities can be so hard to carry on..
It just too shock for me..I'm still a new person in the society, the experience and knowledge I have is still in the lowest level, its only 6 months, and I have no idea how hard this could be.
On the early stage, I almost surrendered but I still hold and moving on..but now I'm not sure if I still can hold the string any longer...I just can't bear the consequences and starting to confuse on my position,which and where should I stand, what and who should I listen. I finally understand why sometimes people just chose to give up, it just so hard to overcome, sometimes motivation are just bullshit.This is too much..too much...I can't hold it..I have tried my best but it just too hard. I want to be good too, I want to be useful too, I want to be able to do everything perfect too...it just unbearable..I'm not hoping that the word give up appears in me.

Yeah...I'm just a nobody.....

2009-06-26T15:19:00.003+08:00

I know I'm too young to suffer from depression, but the tension is just unbearable.
It is so hard to accept on how useless I am after so many try and it still failed.
It is so hard to accept on how incapable I am in understanding on many things.

I have this bad attitude, whenever I was not in the mood, I just refuse to talk and the face was just so gloom, and so obvious. And the mind is just so negative. I remembered last 2 days I send my boss back home and he ask me not to drive fast, I just answer him spontaneously and I said I will drive fast so that I die faster, I just close the door and pumping the oil as hard as I can,that night I drive till 160. When I think of it I really felt sorry for him,he might be worried about me,or perhaps he is not since I'm just a nobody.

Yeah...I'm just a nobody.....

Anyhow, Life must go on till the end of it, I'm fine now, cause I believe patience is all I need in me.

P/S: Just in case I leave the world earlier as unexpected, with my honesty and sincerity, I want you all to know that I love you all very much, without you all life won't be that great, make sure you all miss me ya, at least I know I am somebody :)

Came and Gone

2009-06-09T18:16:00.003+08:00

Knock Knock....

I open the door and saw him standing out side the door looking at me.

I spoke with my shiver voice, "You want to see me" I said.

He nod, then he turn around and walk away.

I close the door, Bang...and I awake.

It just a dream..........

我無法。。

2009-06-04T12:29:00.002+08:00

我無法告訴自己是多么的美。。因為美又能怎樣呢

我無法告訴自己是多么的好。。因為我不懂什麽才是好

我無法告訴自己是多么的幸福。。因為我看不到所謂的幸福

我無法告訴自己是多么的幸運。。因為我不懂幸運是什麽

不過

我可以告訴自己，我的路還很遙遠，所謂的美，好，幸福，幸運，及所有的一切，會讓我慢慢的體會，看到，及了解。何必緊張呢？對吧。

好吧，就讓我告訴自己從此以後，無需緊張，夸張，慌張，做好本分就好了，因為林子芝就是我。

好！回去工作！子芝萬歲！萬歲！

Eventhough

2009-05-24T16:48:00.002+08:00

Even though your ugly,clumsy, big and short...no matter how bad you look there's always something special about yourself.

Even though I'm ugly,clumsy, big and short...no matter how bad I look there's must be something special about me?

Can you tell me....

*Added on 29 May 2009 : Somebody just describe me as Purity and Sincerity...wow what should I say. *

Now he is gone...

2009-05-17T20:43:00.002+08:00

He left us on 14 May at 1 am sharp, and I was not at his side see him for the last time...

I was in KL when mom call at 10.30pm telling that he is leaving us, and at 1am I received message from dad that he is gone..whole night I cant sleep thinking of him even though I haven't sleep the day before. Tears just flowing out that night till morning, and dad called ask if I'm able to be home,Sms and calls from friends and family asking if I'm going back for the funeral, I said yes I must go home no matter what.

I felt so hard that morning, my cousin said to me that we shouldn't be sad 'cause he is very lucky to life till this age and leave this world peacefully, his mission on earth has complete,we should be celebrating....yes,after this words,I change my mind..I shouldn't be sad,maybe its a good thing he left,maybe he is happy with this ending as well. After then,I never tears again,even on his funeral..

Only one things that really makes me cry whenever I think of him, the last question he ask me before I'm leaving for KL.. "When are you coming back?"

One mistake Showed me the colours

2009-05-13T02:42:00.002+08:00

Yes,like most of you know, I miss my flight,end up extending my stay here.

But this made me realised how much I was cared and been concerned in the family (at least this is what I felt).

From the moment I announce that I wont able to be home for my cousin's wedding, calls, sms,message from Facebook,keep coming asking the same question "HOW ON EARTH YOU MISS YOUR FLIGHT?!"

After all these responds from almost all of my family members, I felt so important,so touch and so proud of being part of them. For so long,I always believe I am the most unnoticeable members,cause I see my cousins and others are more outshine,they tall,they pretty,they clever,they never ask to do all the hard works in every family event,all orders are towards me. Until today, I am wrong, I am the most noticeable of them all ( bangga bah sampai kambang bulu)mwahahahahaha, my absence raised a question,there is no reason I tidak bangga bah kan!

THANK YOU MY FAMILY FOR SO CARED AND LOVE ME THAT MUCH...How could I ever life without you all.

yeah...its 3:06am and I'm still in the office,they already went to sleep upstairs,I'm tired and exhausted but I just cant get to sleep..BLAME THAT ESPRESSOOOOO! Sigh....another sleepless night...

Life goes on

2009-05-13T00:16:00.002+08:00

Yeah...I've been long gone for almost 2 months, still stuck in this busy city and a busy life.

What I have learned all through this times,where expectation sometime doesn't come as expected. Sometimes it bring good stuff, sometimes bad,so don't believe that all expectations are great without effort. Many things we have seen around us are always good always impressive, but all these doesn't come easy, maybe you will think that the creator are expert,for them its like a piece of cake...no, expert can have hard time too even in a simplest thing.

Talk about simple, we often see ourselves or even our surrounding or maybe just a tiny matters in a complicated way. The latest trend is to be simplified. I use to love deco or design in full volume,big icon,flowery,sharp colours and all empty space must be filled to look better.In fact, simple is the greatness of many things,be it simple, clean, clear and straight to the point,message delivered,mission accomplished!

I like being stupid, 'cause I still have space to be genius. Agree?You should,cause you stupid.

To be honest, I'm still in my office right now,and sitting next to my big boss and typing this blog,all he heard is the typing sound,which mean I'm busy with something,in fact is blogging.hahahahaha.What??? I need my private time also mahhh..I also want to expressed whatever is terpendam di hati mah...so far,blogging is the best thing to expressed.

I'm tired and exhausted...really...I havent have a totally relax moment where my brain doesn't need to worried about work damn much.I guess it will take some times to have that totally relax moment.Anyway,life goes on...

Not that good

2009-03-19T19:15:00.004+08:00

I am hell moody yesterday...although I can feel that they trying to cheer me up but the sadness from inside just cant hide.

I felt like an idiot,clumpsy bullshit. Why cant I do things right, not even once, not even the simpliest things. I'm so sick of myself, what the hell with me!Fucking Shit!

I'm not a good helper,I just brought up mess..and nothing is complete by myself.I'm a burden, a bad investment!

I was trying to force myself not to let the tears out...but I just end-up weeping in the toilet.SHIT.

I'm not sure if I can convince myself anymore...my inner strenght is losing...I lose to myself, shoot dead by myself,BANG!and I'm dead.Nobody to blame....but me.

I shed my tears and slowly I'm melt

2009-02-24T22:57:00.003+08:00

I knew I am not in the expectation...
I was once as hard as a rock where I believe nothing cant get me down, but day by day I am melting, and starting to lose my inner strength...I am afraid that I will lose my confidence.
Others said the thing is not hard, but why whenever I into it,it became so hard...so hard till I lost my way. Although the words "stupid" is a bit harsh but I think it really suit me as I am in fact is slow and stupid...Maybe you cant see it from the appearance,I might seem like very confidence very independent, it just a fake look to fool you and others, I know nothing useful but myself..I just know how to blablabla..all those bullshit conversation is fake.
I'm so down lately, it seem like I cant do things right...I guess maybe I'm not in their expectation anymore since I never get things done as suppose to be...I thought I am fit but actually I'm not..I silently keep in heart,as I know there is nobody to blame but myself,I swallow my tears to hide my weakness,but I know its obvious from the look of my eyes. I close my door, I cried alone as I am not good expressing myself. Only through words I express and I heal......
I need to rise, I dont want to fall. I want to believe I'm short I'll stand tall.I just need time to adjust myself,but hopefully its not too late..

Il Mio Momento........

2009-02-23T21:16:00.001+08:00

I enjoy my relax moment with this wonderful classic song and a glass of vino rosso, sitting on my maroone cushion chair and imagining how the future will be, what beneath my blue doors..
and realise...il tempo e veloce, but la mia progressione e lenta..io cosi triste perche sono stupido e idiota...molto male...non voglio essere come questo..voglio essere impressiono ..

Fly me to the moon
Let me sing among those stars
Let me see what spring is like
On jupiter and mars

In other words, hold my hand
In other words, baby kiss me

Fill my heart with song
Let me sing for ever more
You are all I long for
All I worship and adore

In other words, please be true
In other words, I love you

Blue Doors Ahead

2009-02-15T20:40:00.001+08:00

I never get bored listening to this song, Its listed as my all time favourite now. I never miss singing this in the Karaoke, dont believe?ask my karaoke buddies.

The lyrics:
BLUE DOORS AHEAD
I stand up high
plunge in this splendid city light
There's no one but me
with gravity I can measure life

I try to hide
from your love and pride
So many times
I found myself lose in this wonderland and cry

How can I define
all these blue doors ahead
Tell me secrets and then make me wild
Isn't the true love inside

I rise and compare
my hand with this city light
There's no one but me
and silently,I get down and smile

I try to hide
from your love and pride
So many times
I found myself lose in this wonderland and cry

How can I define
all these blue doors ahead
Tell me secrets and then make me wild
Isn't the true love inside

I rise and compare
my hand with this city light
There's no one but me
and silently,I get down and smile
I get down and smile
I get down and smile

The little one

2009-02-15T19:09:00.001+08:00

Little one always make us happy, even just a smile..
Care them,Love them. Stop abuse.

Wooohoooo this is SIOK!

2009-02-11T22:23:00.001+08:00

Corazon Espinado by Santana ft Mana
It makes me mooooove

I'm in Love

2009-02-08T21:59:00.002+08:00

In love with heels!

I never like heels before because its always hurt my feet damn much, that's why I only wears flat sandal most of the time.

But lately, I found my confidence whenever walking with heels. I just felt so great and tall and pretty and slim although its just my imagination.

I haven't really get use with this thing, it still hurt my feet a lot, cause most of the heels design are not fit with my buffalo feet.

I really need to find ones that really comfortable and high enough to make me feel tall..teeheehee..I don't mind invest for a perfect heels! As long as its not extremely pricey and fair for the quality.

In love with Smart & Casual

I finally found the fashion that really suit my personality. Yes, Smart & Casual, I found this terms few weeks ago somewhere in the internet and since then I have set my fashion mode.

I'm not fans of fancy fashion or too formal look, beside with the size problems, I found it very complicated to match. Smart & Casual are different, its simple design but its stylist in the meantime too. A match of Polo baby tee and bell bottom jeans, long sleeve blouse and a vest match with straight cut jeans, Polo baby tee and a vest match with pencil skirt or denim skirt, all these style are enough to make you look great!

I'm not suppose to...

2009-02-08T00:22:00.002+08:00

I'm not suppose to blog during this peak time where I should be squeezing my brain to complete my work, but its weekend.....the weekend mood just happen to be around. Its not that I totally abandoned my work, I did it the whole afternoon and completed 50% then I think that I have the right to enjoy my weekend.

I've been wasting my whole evening in Old Town and Starbuck and window shopping in Prima Vera and almost bought a new heel but I manage to control my eagerness...but I will be back for that heel,I SWEAR! Ohh...I met a cute guy name Sam too...teeheehee

And later,I decide to change the layout of this blog, been searching for 10mins for the perfect template and finally I found what I want,Vintage theme!Yes,I adore classic and vintage very much, I love jazz, I adore big sunny glasses, and I wear bell bottom jeans.

Where is the love?

2009-01-30T17:45:00.006+08:00

I don't understand why fight with our own people, even your own brothers or sisters, nothing can stop.Rivalry, egoism, greed, selfish are the evil of all matters, the spoiler of a great picture.

They are once sharing the same bed and telling each other stories of the day, and laugh at gagged moment, chasing on each other on a beautiful evening, playing hide and seek....as time goes by, all these remained memories hidden deep inside your heart and almost forgotten that they used to be together...

Years by years all the wonderful moment bury deep inside and never dug out until the day you lose one of them, and by then you regret you never treat them as you suppose to..all left is just regret and memories...

Don't hate your siblings/cousins cause we are mend to be together,maybe sometimes there is an argument but let just erased it and start another new terms..even though it might be hard or maybe they just don't understand but in the end they are still your love one...

These problems always raised in my surrounding,rivalry among siblings,I see too much and I just can't do anything, but although its not obvious but I still can feel it, cause I understand and used to hate and always complaint about someone close too, but I realized I actually still care and miss her when she's not around...

This is Rock

2009-01-29T18:11:00.002+08:00

Although I'm more on jazz music but sometimes I do listen to RnB and rock as well.
Kelly Clarkson latest song really blew me off, I love it from the first time I listened. Ti presento.... My Life Would Be Suck Without You by Kelly Clarkson...

You wont understand.......

2009-01-28T16:26:00.003+08:00

You wont understand how hate am i going to CNY open house especially to those rich or they thought they are really rich aliens house.every year i always tried to escape being drag to go, but it end up failed.

You wont understand how stressful is it when all your closest view is not something you familiar with and all of them cheerfully laughing,talking and i'm sitting at the end of the corner trying to blend in but turn out awkward.(hmm...is it my problem or they just think that i'm not one of them,nahh..you know la alien and human doesn't match in heaven,cause they from mars.)

You wont understand how hard is it when everybody get the tiny red thingy and i have no idea why they just skip my part(i guess they might thought i'm the maid?)and what really odd is just few minutes ago i talk to them in chinese and when i stand next to the toilet they just ask me in their very broken and forceful malay " ada olang ka?" (am i look like a maid for you),you got to believe me this always happen, almost every houses.

You wont understand how lonely i am in the party, everybody is busy entertaining with friends and i'm just sitting there looking on my phone and hope for somebody to call or sms.i always invite my cousins to join but they never turn out...and i cant get away with it cause my aunt will kill me with words if i dont go...where is my rightttttttttttt! Tonight is another open house and my heart is million times NOOO!!

我崇拜葉問 Iｐ－Ｍａｎ，ｍａｓｔｅｒ　ｏｆ　Ｂｒｕｃｅ　Ｌｅｅ

2009-01-26T21:40:00.003+08:00

今天終於讓我在無聊中找到可樂的事。。。。
說實話，我原本對武打戲劇興趣不大，不過就是打打殺殺，得看看打的明星是誰才決定看或不看，我喜歡的武打明星不就是李連杰啊，成龍啊，要真的會打那種才好看，不過《葉問》掀起了我對武術的崇拜，甄子丹在戲裡邊的武功真的打的非常好看。不知是導員拍的好，還是演員們打的好，不過還真的很好看！真的值得看看啊~ 誰有興趣的可以跟我拿。。。一定要看，真的很好看！

Ｓｏｒｒｙ　Ｉ　ｊｕｓｔ　ｃａｎｔ　ｈｅｌｐ　ｍｙｓｅｌｆ　ｗｒｉｔｔｉｎｇ　ｉｎ　ｃｈｉｎｅｓｅ　ｃａｕｓｅ　Ｉ　ｓｕｄｄｅｎｌｙ　ａｄｏｒｅ　ｔｈｅｍ　ｓｏ　ｍｕｃｈ．．．．Ｊｕｓｔ　ｗａｔｃｈ　ｔｈｅ　ｖｉｄｅｏ　ｙｏｕ　ｗｉｌｌ　ｕｎｄｅｒｓｔａｎｄ　ｗｈａｔ　ｍｙ　ｂｌｏｇ　ｍｅａｎ．　ＸＤ　

Its my years,but...

2009-01-26T17:53:00.003+08:00

Its not as happening as it used to...and today the 1st day of CNY I'm stuck at home staring on the computer and repeating refreshing Facebook for miracle to happen. Miracle do happens but just for a short while hanging out with my besties in the nearby restaurant for lunch. After that, head back home for a round of movie marathon and now I'm blogging.

Last nite was a bad kick start for my "Niu" year, no karaoke-ing, no chasing kiddo, no busy scene, no loud noise, no party..... aiyayayayaya why oh...why in my year oh....what I'm going to do la this...so boring la....I DONT WANT!!!! I need to plan something! Maybe car cruise to some place far...yeah..why not...alone pun alone la..apa juga...hmmm...maybe go Tuaran?Tamparuli? go shoot some pictures also not bad mah...if only the rain stop pouring la.....

HAIYAHHHH~~~~~~ MAU TUMBUK DINDING SUDAH NIH.................okla just finish download Ip Man...continue my movie marathon...hmmm...maybe later I go watch RedCliff 2 alone la...since I dont have kaki that share the same interest with me.

If only I could sing this out loud...but the mood just not accepting it...

To be honest...

2009-01-18T21:08:00.004+08:00

To be honest......

I hate meeting new people. As I'm so bad in communicate and interact with people especially new faces. Whenever this happen, I had nausea, nervous breakdown, hand sweats, and shaking crazily as if that person is going to eat me or something. The worst is suffering from insomnia if I knew the next day I'm gonna meet with new faces! First meet-up always end-up very silence, others might think I'm a weirdo. But I am a weirdo anyway.

To be honest.........

I always do the dirty dance in my room with loud catchy music played from my computer. Sometimes even complete with sexy mini skirt and super low V neck shirt and the hair flow like supermodel. This is what people always said la...SS (siok sendiri). But only during this time I felt confidence and sexy and slim :) Others time I'm the non-confidence and non-sexy and fatty lil women, where people will never put an eye on :(

To be honest.........

I love viewing my own pictures, especially those taken perfectly and shown the beauty in me. I can viewed it repeatedly without feeling bored, slides by slides, again and again, until I really think I'm a pretty women walking down the street, and all eyes are on me, guys slap by his girlfriend, car accident, wind blowing hair flying...Sigh, typical fat lil women imagination. I told you I'm a weirdo.

To be honest.........

I'm a very evil lil women, where others only see my angel face smilling, but never realise the inner side is burning hell. 'Cause I always hide my reddish tail and horns very well >:) Dont worry I'm only bad in cursing with nasty words, no action cause I'm coward the courage lil women. OK I admit I sometimes gossip with my sisters about it, and that person reputation confirm down to ground, cause sisters meant to be always on my side eventho I knew I'm wrong nyehehehe.

Ok thats enough with my honesty, reveal too much will only kill myself. But oh... last one , I love to stay in the toilet poohpooh until I'm done reading my magazine...as you know magazine normally took almost 30mins-60mins to finished...kan :P cause the toilet is the coolest place in the house. See, I told you I'm a weirdo.

This is how I see Myself

2009-01-14T13:46:00.002+08:00

I used to see things very simple, when things really happen,its not as simple as I thought. But sometimes I do believe nothing is impossible, when there is a problem there is a way,its depend on how you make it possible.
I so used to spoon-feeding methodology,everything comes in handy,even in my study,even in my daily routine,I never use much on my brain.But after experiencing the life of a working man,I realize I need a change.The 1 month training will always be my reminder,where mistakes doesn't lead to nothing,its another way I learned and expose to this new environment where I'm going to survive for the next chapters of my life,and spoon-feeding is no longer in my dictionary,Professional shall be the replacement.
I am so glad and appreciate that luck is on my side for the starting of my career-hood,not like others, I didn't go through the hunt-for-job process as I was already attached to a job long before I was graduated, but I also going through a lot of hard time where others can't see, as my natures is to keep it to myself, maybe sometimes I expressed a little bit to my close one or maybe through words. Although maybe there are some parties that not actually very support ,but I shall go with my believe.
2009 has set a start for me,it is the time where I'm going through the evolution towards a better me.From the change of physical appearance to the inner side, its only a matter of time,let see if its happen as planned.
Wonder how do I look like in another 5-10years...hmmm..Angelina Jolie perhaps?hehehe...

To the Ox

2009-01-10T12:38:00.000+08:00

Horoscope 2009, forecast for the 2009 year of the earth Ox

The coming 2009 year of the earth Ox also called 2009 year of the Bull or Buffalo is around the corner. It looks like we've got honest, candid and open natured year ahead. As you might guess, coming 2009 year of the earth Ox is dependable, calm and modest. Sun sign horoscope for the 2009 year of the Ox like his animal sing is unshakably patient, full of hard work and tireless though need financial support to fulfill your ideas and make your desires.
Yearly 2009 forecast and horoscope 2009 for your zodiac sign.

Ox Personality

The Ox is the sign of prosperity through fortitude and hard work. As one might guess, such people are dependable, calm and modest. Like his animal namesake, the Ox is unswervingly patient, tireless in his work, and capable of enduring any amount of hardship without complaint.

The ox person needs peace and quiet to work through his/her ideas, and when he/she has set his/her mind on something it is hard for him/her to be convinced otherwise. The ox person has a very logical mind and is extremely systematic in whatever he/she does, in spite of a total lack of imagination. He/she can be very stubborn, and difficult to dissuade once he/she decides on something. These people speak little, but are intelligent, and when necessary, they are both articulate and eloquent.

The ox person is not extravagant, and the thought of living off credit cards or being in debt makes him/her nervous. The possibility of taking a serious risk could cause the ox person many sleepless nights. These people are truthful and sincere, and the idea of wheeling and dealing in a competitive world is distasteful to them. It would be right to mention that people born in the ox years are rarely driven by the prospect of financial gain. These people are always welcome because of their honesty and patience. They have many friends, who appreciate the fact that the ox people are rather introverted and wary of new trends, although every now and then they can be encouraged to try something new. It is important to remember that the ox people are sociable and relaxed when they feel secure, but occasionally a dark cloud looms over such person and he/she takes on the worries of the world and tries to find solutions.

Ox Love Affairs

Although practical in other ways, the ox person can be very naive about affairs of the heart. It takes time for him/her to develop intimate relationships and show his/her feelings, but once such person is committed, the partner will be totally loved and trusted.

The ideal partner for the ox person is truthful and gentle but knows how to cajole and tease him/her. Of course there may be times when the ox person misinterprets light-hearted remarks or fails to see the humour in a situation, but at the same time close people will find that he/she is able to throw off his/her worries and begin to enjoy him/herself. The ideal partner for the ox person must also have the enthusiasm to introduce him/her to new interests but at the same time will not take risks that threaten the ox's security. The ox person can take as a matter of course his/her partner's weaknesses, and when there are emotional upheavals the ox will consider whether the blame lies with him/her; on the other hand such people do find it hard to forgive if they have been deceived.

Ox Career

Ox people are observant; they have remarkable memories and are good at reporting on absolutely everything they observe. If you ask an Ox person if he/she remembers who were at the party 8 months ago, most likely, he/she will name them one by one to you.

As a rule, the ox people approach work seriously and as long as they are not forced into the public eye they are able to think clearly and plan meticulously. They maybe not too fast when it comes to making decisions, but they are a skilled organizers and logical thinkers, and as the years pass their determination is likely to be rewarded. There are no difficulties with accepting authority arises for the ox person as long as he/she knows that the business is established on firm foundations. It is suitable for the ox to know his/her schedule or timetable and although he/she can rise to challenges and, to some extent, deal with the unpredictable; the ox would rather be well-informed and work within a fixed framework.

Ideal Job for the Ox Include

Composer, Landlord, Doctor, Cook or Chef, Farmer, Police officer, Soldier, Teacher, Judge, Banker, Insurance broker, Gardener.

Horoscope background

Lucky Numbers: 1, 3, 5, 12, 15, 33, 35, 51, 53
Equivalent Western Sign: Capricorn
Element EARTH
Color YELLOW
Yin/Yang YIN and YANG
Direction NORTH-NORTH-EAST

Celebrity

Some Famous Oxen: Warren Beatty, Jon Bon Jovi, Jeff Bridges, Richard Burton, Barbara Cartland, Charlie Chaplin, Bill Cosby, Sammy Davis Jr, Walt Disney, Dustin Hoffman, Anthony Hopkins, Don Johnson, Jane Fonda, Jack Lemmon, Heather Locklear, Eddie Murphy, Jessica Lange, Paul Newman, Jack Nicholson, Robert Redford, Rod Steiger, Peter Sellers, Sissy Spacek, Bruce Springsteen, Meryl Streep.

Ox Compatibility

Compatible with : Snake, Rooster, Rat, Dog
Less Compatible with : Dragon, Monkey, Pig, Ox, Tiger
Least Compatible with : Ram

Positive and Negative Capability

Positive: The Ox can be patient, contemplative, skilful, dextrous, eloquent, confident, familiar, authoritative, industrious and sure of foot.

Negative: The Ox can also be prejudice, chauvinistic, proud, tyrannical, petty, critical, eccentric, bigoted, conservative, grumpy and on occasion violent.

http://www.gotohoroscope.com/chinese-zodiac-ox.html

Graduation

2009-01-08T17:54:00.003+08:00

Finally received my graduation poster. I was so concerned on the outcome of the pictures since I was not in the perfect mood during that shooting. Well, it surprised me, it was out of my expectation. I love it. So, my degree is done, next plan might be my MBA then...let see if its happen in another 3-5 years.

Sometimes when we touch

2009-01-04T14:04:00.001+08:00

Once I listened to this song cover by Olivia Ong, I instantly felt peace...

First Cut is the Deepest

2008-12-27T17:53:00.002+08:00

I was finally home, after a month of stay in KL. Almost every person ask me the same question that actually very hard to answer,How's KL?Do you like it? I spontaneously answered "I'm still survived".

This whole month really give a huge impact, exploration and realize what kind of person I am. During my training, I did a lot (very very much) of mistakes that I started to feel low confident and so scared and so angry of myself. Whenever my boss told me what the mistakes I did,I know my face instantly change,not because of I angry of them, is because I realize my mistakes and I hating myself for being sooooooo carelessssss,at the end they always cheers me up,but I still keep it in heart and no more next time.There's always times that I really really sad about all my mistakes,I pinch myself when I was in the toilet bathing,telling myself why am I so careless so useless!But I didn't run away ,instead I accept it.I know good thing never come easily,all I need is passion and patience.

Graduated from university doesnt mean you are good in everything,yes maybe we gain point in knowledge,but skill,experience,public relation is equivalent to 0. I met this old Indian guy in a bus on the way to the airport,we have a great talk,although its only just a short while,he teach me alot.He told me to be good in your career you must have the 4 aspect,the public relation,the skill,the experience and the knowledge.Public relation you get from your surrounding,from a network to a network,thats how to build you PR;The skill is where you get from your experience,nobody born genius without learning;The knowledge is where you get from your study.All this four must be balance,so do our mind.People always said think positive,infact negative is not a bad thing too.We think negative because we ready for the bad consequences,this is what we call risk,positive and negative must balance too.

One more thing I eagerly wanted to improve on, my communication skill.I dont really know how to talk..well I mean talk with good content.All this while I only talk rubbish,craps. Thats why during this one month,I dont really talk much cuz I'm not confidence with my content,I have been silence all the while,people talk and I just listened.

I want to be a professional executive.I want people see my powerful aura.I want people to see me short but I'm standing tall.I need to change myself from now on,you will see a different me next year. Let see how different I can be, either evil or angel MWAHAHAHAHAHA.

The winner takes it all

2008-11-11T09:14:00.001+08:00

I just love this part,I love this song,and Meryl Streep really sing it perfectly. The combination of devil and James Bond in this part,issnt it cool!hahaha

Somebody is watching us.

2008-11-09T10:11:00.001+08:00

I got this video from my friend and I upload in youtube to share with all,cuz this really freak me out. You never know who is watching you.

Description:
Look closely as you will see eyes in the sky.
Location: Sandakan Sabah Malaysia
Time: Around night
Shoot by: a friend's friend
No fake here
Its real.

yael naim new soul

2008-11-02T00:28:00.001+08:00

Sorry but this is just so addictive..

New Soul by Yael Naim
I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

La, la, la, la (21x)
La, la, la, la (21x)

See I'm a young soul in this very strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout what is true and fake
But why all this hate? try to communicate
Finding trust and love is not always easy to make

La, la, la, la (21x)
La, la, la, la (21x)

This is a happy end
Cause you don't understand
Everything you have done
Why's everything so wrong

This is a happy end
Come and give me your hand
I'll take you far away

I'm a new soul
I came to this strange world
Hoping I could learn a bit 'bout how to give and take
But since I came here, felt the joy and the fear
Finding myself making every possible mistake

New soul... (la, la, la, la,...)
In this very strange world...
Every possible mistake
Possible mistake
Every possible mistake
Mistakes, mistakes, mistakes...

Four Non Blondes - What's UP [Acústico]

2008-10-31T21:05:00.001+08:00

This is IRRESISTIBLE! I wanna KTV this!

This is Tom Cruise Everybody!

2008-10-24T12:04:00.001+08:00

Watched Tropic Thunder yesterday,like always Ben Stiller made a great comedy,but this time is Tom Cruise character that make me go gaga.

Quizás Quizás Quizás

2008-10-21T17:26:00.001+08:00

One of my favourite from Nat King Cole.I just love classy jazz.